Multimillion-Dollar… What Was It Again? Oh Yeah, Joe Burrow’s New Home Thingy[Sound of phone buzzing] Ugh, who’s texting at this hour? Oh, it’s me. I’m texting myself. Great.Football Guys and Horse… ThingsJoe Burrow… that football dude. He bought a… what was it? A horse emporium? Horse mansion? Whatever. It’s big, it’s expensive, and it’s got horses. I think. Do horses watch football? Can they wear tiny helmets? Note to self: Google “horse helmets” later. People keep asking for a Joe Burrow house tour. Like I’ve got his number on speed dial. “Hey Joe, it’s Jess. Can me and 500 of my closest friends come check out your horse palace?” Yeah, right.Real Estate is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-SOh, and that club… what’s it called? Fountain Haus closed. Closed. Kaput. Maybe they’ll turn it into a horse disco. Is that a thing? It should be. I’d go. [Sound of stomach growling] Man, I’m hungry. Is the fridge in this office still working? Where was I? Oh yeah, that Franklin Ray Canton MI dude. Ponzi schemer extraordinaire. Bet he wishes he had a horse ranch to hide in now. Do they extradite from horse ranches? Is that like, diplomatic immunity or something?Castles and Fever DreamsDid I mention the KC Workhouse? It’s a freakin’ castle. In Kansas City. Next to a Taco Bell. I think. Or am I thinking of somewhere else? Are there castles next to Taco Bells anywhere? There should be. Is any of this real? Am I real? Is real estate even real? It has “real” in the name, so it must be. Right? Right?? [Sound of papers shuffling] What are all these papers? Oh right, work. I should do that. Or sleep. Or become a horse rancher. Are horse ranchers a thing? They must be. Joe Burrow can’t take care of all those horses himself. Can he? I need… something. Sleep? Food? A reality check? All of the above? If anyone needs me, I’ll be… here. Probably. Unless I sleepwalk to Joe Burrow’s horse ranch. Can you sleepwalk that far? Only one way to find out, I guess. I’m gonna close my eyes for a sec. Just a sec. If I start dreaming about horse football, someone please wake me up. Or don’t. Might be interesting. [Sound of soft snoring, interrupted by occasional muttering about horses]
